Golf Balls for Angels

There are three kinds of people who find their actions worthy of landing them on these pages. The first, and most common, are those amongst us that have an isolated incident brought about by a momentary lapse of reason. In many ways these are my favorites, because if we are honest, all of us fall into this category, and have found ourselves in ridiculous or embarrassing situations. The second group are those that have an isolated incident, however, it quickly becomes obvious that they have spent a lifetime preparing for such a moment, and clearly the next embarrassment is lurking around the corner. Finally, there are those that are born into the role. The incidents not only aren’t isolated, they aren’t brought on by an accident or even major brain malfunction. They are simply the normal course of life for these select few.

A perfect example recently stumbled across my radar screen. A California man was arrested for scattering over three thousand golf balls in a National Park. Now one can almost concoct a rationale story for such a seemly random act with a little effort. If your property abutted a National Forrest, and you had a never ending supply of golf balls, an open field or forrest might seem like a natural location for a homemade driving range. Not very bright, but also not up to the standards required to be accused of squirrel hunting with bazookas. Alas, recall that this person was singled out because he was born to create moments such as this.

Any possible explanation, or at least sane explanation, falls apart when you learn that he didn’t hit the golf balls into the National Park - he threw them. We’re now clearly plowing new ground, because it takes some thought and preparation to take the same irrational action three thousand times in a row. Taking some artistic liberty, I like to imagine this critical point of the conversation with the Park Ranger.

“Sir, why would you throw three thousand golf balls into the park?”

“To honor dead golfers.”

Perfect. That kind of logic makes my day. I can almost imagine our subject bewildered at the Ranger’s inability to grasp his noble logic.

I fear that the powers to be are considering a fine or jail time; however, what they really need to do is let him go about his business while secretly following him around with a camera. This guy was made for reality TV, and I can promise that this won’t be the last time he does something that makes perfect sense to him that makes no sense at all. Make his punishment to donate his time at a driving range or pick up garbage at the park, but please, no jail time. These characters are harmless, too much fun, and too rare to lock up.

Thanks for stopping by - I'll keep my eyes open for more people Squirrel Hunting With Bazookas

Comments: squirrelhuntingwithbazookas@hotmail.com