Hunting for Stupidity

It’s important to know if you’re stupid. More precisely, it’s important to know if you’re prone to do stupid things.

Don’t get me wrong, being stupid is nothing to be ashamed of. Personally, if an object has an engine, or for that matter requires a reasonable level of mechanical aptitude, I am well aware that I have entered into my personal “stupid zone” and it is unlikely that playing in such an arena will result in anything but pain. The problem comes about when individuals fail to acknowledge their stupidity, which frequently not only leads one down destructive paths, it invariably leads to the next stupid decision, (back to that later). To make my point, consider a recent news event:

The scene: a police officer was on patrol when he realized that he was the target of a golf ball.

This is a text-book example of needing to realize that you are prone to stupid decisions. If you think that targeting a cop with a golf ball is a good idea, you have entered into the stupid zone on a number of levels:

Unless your first name is Tiger, the odds of you hitting the officer are well beyond your ability to calculate them, (based on what we can already assume regarding your intellectual capabilities).

If by some miracle you do make contact, it’s probably safe to assume that your plan wasn’t thought through in detail and you have left ample evidence behind to convict you of:

Killing a law officer

Assaulting a law officer

Stupidity

If you miss, you are still guilty of:

Attempted assault on a law officer.

Stupidity

At this point, your only hope is that your golf game rivals your cognitive thinking ability, and you missed the officer by such a wide margin that he failed to notice. (Note that being bad at multiple things is your only hope of salvation). However, in this case, the intended shot was close enough to attract the cop’s attention.

If one makes the decision to launch a golf ball at a police officer, it is likely that the situation will continue to deteriorate, and in this case, our subject didn’t disappoint, (please reference above where I noted that one bad decision leads to another, or even more likely, a series of bad decisions). Rather than stepping back and asking ‘what else could go wrong,’ our subject stood in the window and watched as events unfolded. Realizing that he represented the one and only possible suspect, when the officer approached and inquired about the origins of the golf ball, he quickly confessed, (finally a good idea). However, he also provided a clear line of sight into his house, (a bad idea), so that the cop could see his stash resting on the table.

Our hero now has attempted assault on a police officer and possession of marijuana. However, alas, possession has a way of leading to a search warrant, which in this case, turned up a number of mature plants awaiting harvest. The felonies are beginning to stack up. All of this because the suspect failed to ask himself if trying to hit a cop with a golf ball was a stupid thing to do.

I stopped reading the article at this point because it was clear to see what direction this was heading. I have little doubt that “the accused” was unable to stop digging his hole and followed up the episode with a series of increasingly stupid statements to the police and attorneys that eventually carried over until he found himself standing before a judge, who must have been trying to decide if the episode was humorous or a sure sign of the approaching apocalypse.

Robert Fulghum tried to sum up life’s lessons in his book Everything I Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarden, with a list of timeless observations. It’s a wonderful read for those prone to over think life; however, although it probably wouldn’t have helped sales, I can’t help but feel that including Don’t Do Stupid Things would have been a worthy addition.

Thanks for stopping by - I’ll keep my eyes open for more people Hunting Squirrels with Bazookas.

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